OT: Lord of the Rings Pickup Lines

Undeniably, the most popular post on my blog is (WAS) the one entitled Geek Pickup Lines. Strangely enough, one of the top searches that brings people to my little corner of the interwebs is "Lord of the Rings Pick up Lines". Due to my mention of the books in my profile. =>

Yes, that is sort of sad, given that this blog is dedicated to the serious and the professional... ~pause~ Okay, maybe not entirely. One reason I take so much pleasure in my work is that my colleagues enjoy a good laugh (see also: "You Might be a CAD Diva if...").

You can see more proof in the "LOTR Punwar", it left me in stitches! 

So, I think to myself... "Self, give the people what they want!" And, the people obviously want some Lord of the Rings Pickup Lines! So, I hit Google and found that, while there might be much innuendo, there were few one-liners of the type for which I was searching.
At the bottom of this post, I pasted in some of what I found, but, first, I'm going to try my hand at crafting a few original Lord of the Rings pickup lines:

  • You don't need One Ring to find me.
  • Baby, you're hotter than the cracks of Mount Doom.
  • Your rejection would destroy me like an Ent destroys Isengard.
  • So, hey, how about that Weather... top?
  • My love for you is deeper than the lodes of Mithril in Khazad-dum.
  • Speak, friend, and enter... your number in my phone.
  • I'll be your Isildur and you can be my bane.
  • I couldn't help but notice all of these losers circling you like Nazgul... why don't we get out of here and go back to my Mathom-house?
  • No, we haven't met, unless you count in the Mirror of Galadriel.
  • Your beauty has pierced my heart like a Morgul Blade.
  • I'm not usually this forward, but, you've broken down my barriers like Grond.
  • ~offering the Red Arrow~
  • Was that a Middle-Earthquake? or did you just rock my world?
  • I've heard about a great new club... want to go There and Back Again?
  • You've got beautiful eyes, they sparkle like the Mirrormere.
  • I'd climb the Endless Stair to be with you.
Well... what do you think? If you can do better (and I am sure you can), please leave a comment below.

  • "If you are not Luthien, then you walk in her likeness."
  • Sauron: "I've only got Eye for you"
  • "Pardon me, but are you elvish? You've been running through my mind without pause!"
  • "If loving you is El-Rond, I don't wanna be El-Right!"
  • Thorondor: Going my way?
  • If you were an orc, I'd be sting. When you're near me, I glow!
  • If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it, precious.
  • Are we in Lord of The Rings? Cause I swear you're my precious... 
  • You shall not pass... without giving me your number.
  • Certainty of death, *small* chance of success... What are we waiting for?
  • "Why couldn't Tom Bombadil hear the telephone?"
    • "Because the ring had no effect on him."
  • "Give me a ring later."
  • "What's a nice elf like you doing in a place like this?"
  • "Didn't we meet at the orc siege the other night?"

(/\ please note, this thread contains a lot of innuendo, only click if you don't mind that sort of thing)
  • Sauron: "I've had my eye on you for a long time, baby."
  • Gollum: "Want to see my precious?"
  • Denethor to guard: Come on baby, light my fire.
Just in case any of these pickup lines work, don't forget to pick up something suitable for your love: 
  • One Ring
  • Nenya Ring
  • Ring of Barahir
  • Elven Leaf Broach
  • Elven Leaf Necklace & Earrings
  • Arwen Evenstar Necklace
  • Tree of Gondor Earrings
  • Not all those who wander are lost necklace


echappell said...

How about "If you called me, I'd pick it up after One Ring"

Mistress of the Dorkness said...

Ooooh, nice one, Eric! :-D

Abigail said...

ahahaa these are amazing!

Mark Scacco said...

Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.

Oh.. wait... wrong meme.

Um...I could make a hobbit out of loving you..? Good, no? No? Ok, no.

Mistress of the Dorkness said...

~giggles at Mark~ Oh, no, not a pun! Of course, it's not Faramir to judge you for making a pun. I've been known to do that a lot myelf.

Jenny said...

Thanks for the effort and also thanks for sharing.

Mistress of the Dorkness said...


Glad you enjoyed it! I had a lot of fun researching and creating this post.

I really do encourage anyone to suggest some more pickup lines to add here.

I do allow anonymous comments, if you're concerned that your line is so good, the readers would try to track you down and marry you... ;)

Anonymous said...

I may be the size of a hobbit, but I'm treebeard where it counts ;)

Are you part balrog? 'cause you're smoking hot!

You can simply walk into my mordor ;)

I like my men the way I like my lembas bread; filling enough for a full days march.

David Brown said...

You've got beautiful eyes, they sparkle like the Mirrormere.

I'd climb the Endless Stair to be with you.

These two sound romantic, nice sharing.

Unknown said...

That mirror of Galadriel one... oh lord I would probably faint if I got that line haha

E.leighxxx said...

Hahahahaha that’s gold

AngryReviteer said...

For everybody enjoying this post, I highly recommend 'Bored of Rings' by the Harvard Lampoon. Should be available as a used copy through the usual dealers.